


the way you said "i love you"

by yutaeilbot



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AU, M/M, ch 8 is in the same universe as ch 7, domestic married johnyong, idk fiances yuwin? what even is this chapter's concept, idol taeyong and starstruck jaehyun, johnny scolding jaehyun, johnten confessions at a post-breakup bar meeting, lapslock, long distance besties 2tae who are definitely in love, mermaid!jae jaewin confession, taeil being sad at johnjae's wedding i guess?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-02-08 14:17:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18624964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yutaeilbot/pseuds/yutaeilbot
Summary: a collection of drabbles based on trash-by-vogue (tumblr)'s "the way you said 'i love you'" prompts. check chapter notes for specific tags/warnings --(8) they hadn’t fought, really, in the months they’d been talking to each other.





	1. as a hello [ jaeyong / T for language i think ]

**Author's Note:**

> prompt one: as a hello
> 
> TAGS//  
> idol au where ten and taeyong are a duo called txt and jaehyun and doyoung are just some dudes; jaehyun's gay panic

jaehyun never thought himself to be one easily star struck. then again, he had never met a celebrity in person, only as one in a crowd of many at a concert or an unknowing passerby on the street. he thought that was probably why he completely blanked when face to face with lee taeyong.

doyoung managing to secure high price tickets for the concert of whatever group he was most recently salivating after hadn’t surprised jaehyun, but being dragged along and told they’d get to meet whoever the fuck wasn’t something he’d expected. but it’d be no big deal, right? they’re just people.

they _were_ just people until the concert. sometime between the first song and the encore, the duo seemed further and further from “just people” until they’d ascended into some sort of celestial being status. jaehyun had never seen two men move so gracefully, effortlessly, _sexily_ until he laid eyes on tnt. he could very easily see why doyoung followed the pair - they were good looking, the performance was incredible, their music was superb.  

and doyoung expected jaehyun to just _speak_ to these men?

they were whisked away with a small group of other high level ticket-holders not too long after the show ended. jaehyun followed along thoughtlessly, more focused on finding the words in his brain than anything in the moment.

 _it can’t be that hard_ _,_ he thought. _just say ‘hi your performance was great thank you for a great show.’ it’ll be fine._

when he actually found himself face-to-face with them, though, he found it _was_ that hard. although he spoke to ten relatively easily, offering a dimpled smile and i “hi, thanks for the show” before moving on, he could feel the tips of his ears warm up as he flushed. his embarrassment only increased as he approached taeyong, whose aura had completely changed from the stage; the sexy, sharp eyed man who had been whispering _baby don’t stop_  on stage less than half an hour earlier had turned into a wide eyed, smiling baby who was very eager to say thank you to every person who approached.

“hi!” he chirped when jaehyun came to stand in front of him. he stuck out a hand, as if to shake jaehyun’s. “i’m taeyong, thanks for coming!”

in that moment, jaehyun’s last functioning brain cell died. he couldn’t even think to stick his hand out in return, only to blurt “i love you” and then scurry off, mortified.

there were a solid 10 minutes between jaehyun absconding and doyoung finding him once more. when doyoung approached his friend, jaehyun was sitting up against a wall, knees pulled to his chest.

“hey,” doyoung called, pushing lightly on jaehyun’s forehead. “chill out. it’s fine.”

“i’m embarrassed,” jaehyun whined with a pout. “i want to sink into the floor and die.”

“shut up, you big baby. lots of people said the same thing.”

“yeah, but did lots of people not shake his hand and leave immediately?” jaehyun sighed. he felt like a fool. no more celebrities. “i didn’t even say hello or anything.”

doyoung laughed and dragged jaehyun onto his feet once more, straightening the collar of the younger’s jean jacket once they were both standing.

“it’s fine, i promise,” he said, voice soft. “we can go now, though. do you want apology food?”

“apology food?” jaehyun echoed.

“for embarrassing you in front of hot men.” doyoung shot him a sly grin. “i didn’t expect you to panic so hard; maybe i should have brought johnny.”

“are you kidding? johnny would have seen ten and lost it completely,” the other scoffed, pouting once more. “besides, _i’m_ your best friend.”

“yes, you are!” jaehyun grunted as doyoung threw an arm around his neck, jostling him a bit. “and thusly, i will buy you taco bell for embarrassing you in front of hot men.”

jaehyun was no fool, and would not argue against free food. he nodded an agreement and they stepped away, but when he dared glance in the direction they came from, he swore he saw taeyong and ten’s eyes on them, smiles drawn across pretty mouths as they muttered something to one another that jaehyun was too far to make out.


	2. with a hoarse voice, under the blankets [ domestic johnyong / G ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s late when johnny gets home, but he doesn’t expect to walk into a seemingly empty apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello welcome to part 2 of i love you prompts we're just here to be gay have a good time and do writing exercises

“babe?”

it’s late when johnny gets home, but he doesn’t expect to walk into a seemingly empty apartment. regardless of when he gets back, taeyong is typically fluttering around, dancing with his headphones in or cleaning or  _ something _ . that’s the first cue that something is off. 

he toes his shoes off in the front hallway and hangs his camera bag from the hook to his right before stepping inside and peeking further into the room. there’s still no light - not even bleeding out from underneath their bedroom door - and johnny thinks for a minute that taeyong might have gone out and not told him. 

until he hears a cough from down the hallway. 

taeyong doesn’t get sick often, so johnny is well aware of the signs and he’s always  _ always _ prepared to care for his love.  

he puts on the kettle and grabs some tea from the cabinet, gathering supplies before heading down the hall to check on his no doubt sniffling husband. 

the lights are off in their bedroom as well, but johnny can still see the vaguely taeyong sized lump under their soft duvet. he can tell without needing the light that taeyong’s head has fallen just shy of the pillows, curled into himself with his arms around his knees. it’s a position he’s seen the smaller in only a few times, but still familiar (just like everything else about taeyong at this point). 

“tae?” johnny calls out to him softly as he steps into their room, footsteps made silent by soft socks that johnny distinctly remembers receiving for christmas one year. “you okay?” 

“johnny.” taeyong’s response is more akin to a croak than anything, and the sound, though heartbreaking, makes johnny chuckle a little. after a moment, taeyong’s head peeks out from the blankets, and johnny takes in his miserable visage with furrowed brows; his cheeks are flushed, eyes tired, and tip of his nose is rubbed red from tissues. 

“when did you start feeling ill?” johnny asks, lowering himself lightly onto the bed before reaching over and brushing the back of his hand over the other’s forehead. “not just today, i’m sure?” 

taeyong shakes his head, leaning slightly towards johnny’s touch. his skin is warm, but not feverish, much to other’s relief. 

“i was mucus-y yesterday,” taeyong admits, voice still rough. “my head started hurting not too long after you left this morning. i’ve been napping off and on all day, honestly.” 

“and you didn’t call me? i could’ve been home sooner to take care of you.” 

“i try not to bother you at work, you know.” 

they sit in silence for a moment, until taeyong needs to blow his nose and he turns to reach over to their bedside table for a tissue. it’s a gross noise, as expected, but johnny’s not put off by it. they’ve been through worse together. 

“i’ve got the kettle started,” he says softly, patting down taeyong’s hair. he’s sure the look on his face is grossly soft, and he can almost hear ten in the back of his head, fake gagging and complaining about cavities. “you just stay in your blankets and i’ll be back in a bit, okay?” 

taeyong nods and offers johnny a small smile before covering himself in the duvet once more, leaving the taller man to smile fondly down at him before standing once more and returning to the kitchen.

“johnny?” taeyong calls just before he’s fully left. 

“hm?” 

“i love you,” he says after clearing his throat. “thank you.” 

“i love you too.” johnny replies, still smiling at the love of his life shaped lump under the blanket once more before finally going to make the tea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> luv u talk to me on twit/cc @yutaeilbot


	3. a scream [2tae / G ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeyong thought that was probably the moment that confirmed he was in love with his best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello welcome to prompt 3 -- whats that? i went off prompt??? that is my brand.
> 
> this chapter is alternatively titled: in which 2tae are long distance besties but theyre definitely in love

the first time they’d met in person was at taeil’s university graduation. he said for months afterward that he couldn’t believe taeyong and yuta managed to keep taeyong’s visit a surprise the whole time, but he’d never been more grateful. 

after the ceremony, when taeil first actually saw taeyong there, he started crying almost immediately. sure, getting his diploma was an emotional moment, but meeting his best friend in the flesh? overwhelming in a way college could never hope to be. the initial shock passed pretty quickly, and taeil nearly knocked taeyong’s thin frame to the ground when they finally embraced. it was one of the most special moments either had been involved in - a hug that smelled faintly of vanilla and felt like home. 

taeyong thought that was probably the moment that confirmed he was in love with his best friend. 

that visit didn’t last nearly as long as anyone would’ve liked, but taeyong had been a university student as well, and he couldn’t take more than a week of absences that term. it would have been worth it in his mind, but maybe not to the parents expecting a straight a, perfect attendance pre-med student for a son. 

their goodbye after that week wasn’t tearful, even though they had expected at least one of them to cry at the airport. they saved the tears for after they parted. 

talks of another visit happened frequently after taeyong returned home, but nothing worked out for another two years. this time taeil insisted on being the visitor, and taeyong had no arguments against it. they organized for taeil to stay the summer with taeyong. being a teacher granted taeil two months of practical unemployment, and he was more than happy to spend those months anywhere but home. 

that’s how taeyong found himself weaving through traffic to pick taeil up at the train station. he was running late - fashionably late, he insisted, but late nonetheless - so he wasn’t surprised to see taeil waiting on the sidewalk, phone in hand. taeyong allowed himself a moment to look at the older man as he approached; he looked exactly as taeyong remembered: dark hair falling gently over his forehead, round specs perched on the bridge of his nose, t-shirt tucked into black jeans. even from a distance, taeil’s visage made taeyong’s heart beat a little faster. 

when taeil spotted taeyong in his car, the smile that broke across his face did nothing to slow taeyong’s heart rate, and the younger was immediately met with the other sprinting around the car to embrace him as he climbed out to greet him. it wasn’t any different from last time - a faint vanilla scent still lingered, it still felt like home. 

“i’m so glad this worked out,” taeil said, arms tight around taeyong’s neck. “i’m so happy to see you again.” 

it was all taeyong could do to nod and return the embrace wholeheartedly, holding taeil as long as he was allowed to before they set off to return to taeyong’s apartment. 

summer wasn’t typically taeyong’s favorite season - he preferred warm clothes to warm weather, and light snowfall to sun showers - but having taeil at his side for two months was definitely making taeyong see the summer’s appeal. he was sure to take the older man everywhere he could think of: his favorite restaurants, his favorite stores, the park in the middle of the city that housed one of the first pictures taeyong had sold for profit after dropping out of university, the top of the tallest skyscraper where he could point out specific cities on the horizon, johnny’s house, the animal shelter, even the run down arcade he’d spent too many afternoons at in high school. he wanted taeil to get a taste of his life, of how he’d managed to set himself up comfortably without a 9-to-5 after his parents cut him off, and taeil was more than impressed. that alone made taeyong’s heart swell with pride. taeil’s praise only inflated it further. 

by the end of the summer, taeyong couldn’t decide if he would describe the time as ‘magical’ or ‘bittersweet.’ he was overjoyed to have taeil there; his heart nearly burst every morning when he walked into his too-clean kitchen to find a drowsy taeil slowly stirring sugar into his coffee. there was something oddly domestic about it, even if it was just taeyong’s imagination running away with itself. 

taeyong made sure to put his camera to good use. taeil wanted plenty of pictures to remember their time together, but sometimes it was hard for taeyong to focus on snapping pictures of what they were doing rather than taeil. he’d always thought the elder was beautiful, thought his smile was brighter than the sun and his eyes full of more sparkle than the night sky. it was hard not to snap candids of the other man whenever the light hit him just so, or when he was focused on beating johnny at air hockey, or when he pulled taeyong by the wrist into a photobooth just for the novelty of the experience. 

but all good things come to an end, and the summer was no exception. 

as the date of taeil’s departure grew closer, taeyong found himself desperately clinging onto what little time remained of taeil in his apartment. he wished he could stretch it out, wished he could make the movie marathons into something more, the late night baking sessions into something bigger. watching taeil’s belongings return neatly into his suitcase over the final week made taeyong’s heart hurt with a longing he hadn’t felt since the last time they parted, but he couldn’t bring himself to admit it out loud. 

he drove taeil back to the train station, walked him onto the platform and hugged him for a solid five minutes before making some dumb excuse to leave, even though he didn’t want to. when he walked away, his arms ached to pull taeil close once more and not let go, to whisper the confession that had been bubbling in his throat for two months, but how could he? would he really risk their entire friendship like that? 

taeyong sat in his car for five minutes, internally debating with himself, before he ran back inside the station. his eyes searched frantically for taeil’s form among the small crowd. relief flooded over him when he finally found him, and he started back towards him. 

those five minutes proved to be too much, though, signalled by the approaching sound of the train. as the people began amassing closer to the edge of the platform, taeyong found himself stuck between people pushing nearer to where they’d need to board, unable to make it all the way to his target. in a string of his bad luck continuing, taeyong called out for taeil, choosing the exact moment the train whistle sounded to yell “i love you” in a panic. 

taeyong froze in place as the train doors opened, and stood with wide eyes as taeil looked over at him before raising a hand in a wave. 

_ he didn’t hear. _

taeil waved more noticeable when taeyong continued to not move, and the younger man choked out a sad laugh and waved back as taeil boarded the train. 

* * *

it was only a few months before taeyong found himself on a plane once more, headed across the distance to see taeil once again. he had voiced his displeasure at spending christmas alone for the third year in a row, and taeil insisted - no,  _ demanded _ \- he come visit for the holidays. it was impractical for taeil to make the trip again on a teacher’s budget, but taeyong had some extra money sitting in his bank account just waiting for a use. 

he didn’t think it was a bad idea, but there was a pit in the bottom of his stomach that just kept getting bigger as the flight ended. 

the last time taeyong saw taeil he tried to confess and he’d blown it. how easy would it be for him to just pretend he hadn’t said it? would he be able to properly enjoy the time with his friend - his  _ best _ friend - without almost soiling it again? 

when the plane landed and everyone filed out, taeyong took his time, ambling through the terminal before finally making his way to baggage in hopes of a smooth retrieval. he didn’t need anything else to stress him out. 

it went smoothly, though, and he felt an inkling of relief drip into that pit in his stomach. maybe things wouldn’t be so bad. 

taeyong continued towards the doors, intending to head outside and wait for taeil after not receiving any messages from him yet, and he stepped onto the down escalator before pulling his phone out again. he’d sent a message saying they’d landed, but still no reply. his nerves kicked in a little more again. 

he tried not to pay it any mind, and coerced himself into walking more confidently towards the door, but he was stopped by a yell from his left. 

“lee taeyong!” 

the voice was familiar - how could taeyong not recognize the voice he longed to hear after a rough day, the voice behind the laugh that make his heart flutter, the voice that he asked to sing him lullabies over facetime on sleepless nights? - and he turned just in time to see taeil barrelling towards him. 

“i can’t believe you didn’t see me!” taeil scoffed jokingly, tackling the younger in a warm embrace. still he smelled like vanilla. still he felt like home. “i was waving my arms like a mad man. i thought yuta was going to restrain me for a minute.” 

“s-sorry,” taeyong muttered, returning the hug with cautious arms, as if he didn’t trust himself. “just stuck in my head i guess.”

“you do that too much.” 

they stayed in their embrace for a moment before taeil stepped back just slightly, though he kept his hands on taeyong’s shoulders, one curled into a loose fist. taeyong couldn’t seem to pull his hands away either, instead letting them rest on the curve of taeil’s waist. the elder was excited, this much was obvious in his twinkling eyes and blinding smile, but there was something else there, something taeyong wasn’t completely certain he could identify. 

“what’s wrong?” he asked after a moment, brows furrowing. 

taeil shook his head before pulling down one hand - the one closed into a fist - and laughing breathlessly. it took him another moment to open his hand, revealing a single sprig of flora - a few soft leaves and white berries that seemed a little worse for wear. 

taeyong’s eyes widened and taeil laughed. 

“it’s dumb, right?” the elder said, a faint blush rising on his cheeks. “yuta gave it to me and told me to put it to use, but i wasn’t sure what he meant until just now.” 

“i don’t--” 

“i love you too.” 

taeyong’s previous words choked off in his throat, and he blinked fast, trying to will away tears he knew were gathering along his waterline. 

“back then --”

“i had to leave,” taeil interrupted again, leaning his head forward to rest on taeyong’s shoulder while he spoke. “i thought i was hearing things. i thought i was projecting what i wanted to hear, but johnny told yuta you were moping, and i couldn’t help but entertain the thought that maybe… i had heard right. maybe you  _ did _ say it. maybe you said it and you were unhappy because i just left.”

“taeil…” taeyong wrapped his arms fully around the older man once again, holding him closely. 

“and then i was looking in the pictures you sent me,” taeil continued. taeyong could hear the familiar thickness of oncoming tears in his voice. “they’re amazing, you know. everything you make is amazing, like you put every ounce of love into any project you set your mind to… but then i could see --” he choked on his words, and took a deep breath, like he was getting ready to say something painful.

“there was just something different,” he admitted, voice lowering to almost a whisper. “about the ones with just me in them. i could just… feel it, and that’s when i realized i hadn’t imagined you saying you loved me. i was right. i heard it.”

“why didn’t you say anything?” taeyong asked, his voice soft as well. “this whole time i…”

“i wanted to say it in person.” taeil looked up again and taeyong could see the tears welling in his eyes. “i wanted to know i’d have you for a whole month before i made either of us ache knowing we couldn’t be with one another.” 

“but now i’m here.” 

“but now you’re here. you’re here and i can say it and i can mean it and i can kiss you - god, i want to kiss you --” 

before he could ramble any further, taeyong did just that, pressing their lips together in the entryway of the airport like if he waited any longer he’d shrivel up and die. he thought he might have died when taeil kissed him back, hands moving to his cheeks to hold them like they were made of the most fragile glass. taeil always treated him like something precious. 

“i love you,” taeyong said, their lips still barely touching. 

taeil laughed and kissed him again, and again, and again. “i love you too.” 

they continued standing there, wrapped up in one another with full hearts and wet eyes, until yuta came over and pulled them from their stupor.

“about time,” he said jokingly, spinning his car keys on one finger. “can we leave now?” 

taeyong and taeil took a step away from each other, separating with smiles on their faces before linking hands. 

“yeah,” taeyong replied, eyes never leaving taeil. “let’s go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello thank u friends pls come talk to me on twitter or cc @yutaeilbot


	4. over a cup of tea [ yuwin | G ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he wasn’t fond of his new found responsibilities in light of inheriting his parents’ burgeoning company, but yuta visiting so often was something he could get used to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prompt: over a cup of tea
> 
> tags:// idk they're business dudes? i think my brain wanted to go historical fiction but i didn't establish anything so its whatever. theyre in love and all they do is tease each other. good bye

“good afternoon, sicheng.”

sicheng smiled when yuta peeked his head into the room. 

“am i interrupting? i’ve brought tea.” 

the chinese man shook his head and smoothed out the small stack of papers on his desk. he wasn’t fond of his new found responsibilities in light of inheriting his parents’ burgeoning company, but yuta visiting so often was something he could get used to.

“please come in,” sicheng said, leaning back in his father’s too-big leather chair and stretching his arms over his head with a groan. “if i have to read any more improperly filled shipping ledgers, i’m going to lose my mind.”

" _you_ think they're messy." yuta chuckled as he pushed the door open with his hip. "imagine being the one trying to decipher them in order to actually complete your shipping." 

sicheng had always been amazed at the other man’s relative ease when doing things without his hands, whether it be opening doors, closing cabinets and drawers, catching sicheng’s attention when they passed one another somewhere. yuta was graceful and lithe, and his every move was practiced and confident. 

“i didn’t know if you’d want a snack today,” yuta changed the subject quickly, making his way over to the desk with sure strides, brass tray in hand. “but i brought some of those shortbread cookies you seem to like so much.” 

once yuta carefully sat the tray on the desk, sicheng reached out for him. their hands came together easily, fingers lacing together out of pure habit, and sicheng used his hand holds to pull yuta over and onto his lap. 

“there’s butlers for a reason, you know,” he said teasingly, leaning into yuta’s space to nuzzle against his jawline. “surely you have things you’d rather be doing, yuta.” 

“true.” the elder giggled softly, grinning, and brought a hand up to rest on the nape of sicheng’s neck, carefully playing with the short hair there as they spoke. “but you know i love taking the time to come see you.” 

sicheng pulled back to look over yuta’s face properly. he had dark circles under his eyes - no doubt from late nights and poor sleep - but still managed to smile so beautifully. “you look tired.”

“i am tired,” yuta confirmed with a nod, hand still gentle on sicheng’s nape. “i could probably fall asleep right here if i were so inclined.” 

“you’re welcome to, you know.”

“i know.” yuta grinned again, a kittenish smile spreading across his face. “or we could have tea and enjoy each other’s company.” 

“you don’t have to look so positively thrilled at the idea of tea together,” sicheng teased, pressing a kiss to the elder’s cheek. “we have plenty of time to do that.” 

yuta’s grin only widened, his eyes trailing down to their joined hands, honing in on the matching golden bands they wore on their fourth fingers. he squeezed sicheng’s hand lightly, suddenly overcome with a rush of joy. 

“sometimes i’m still amazed that you’re going to be mine forever,” sicheng said softly, nuzzling against yuta’s neck again and pressing a tender kiss to the soft skin there. “more often than not i’m simply amazed that you’re sitting in front of me.” 

there was a moment of comfortable silence before yuta looked back up at sicheng, still smiling. words weren’t necessary in the moment - they knew each other well enough to know what their shared thought was, what they were feeling. sicheng raised a hand to cup yuta’s cheek, a touch the elder leaned into fondly, his eyes slipping closed. 

“i love you,” sicheng said, thumb brushing over his fiance’s cheekbone. “even if you skip out on work to have tea with me.” 

“you wouldn’t have me any other way,” yuta insisted, blinking his eyes open once more and leaning forward to peck a chaste kiss onto sicheng’s mouth. “maybe i’d have more work to do if you didn’t have to spend entire days correcting your shipping ledgers.” 

“alright, you spoiled thing, get out of here.” there was no venom in sicheng’s voice, only a playful lilt that made yuta laugh. 

“no,” he refused, standing quickly as to avoid the inevitable attack of sicheng’s fingers against his ribs should he stay seated. “tea first, then i’ll leave.” 

“tea first and then you can stay if you want. i’m still open to being your mid-afternoon nap location.” 

yuta smiled and perched himself on the edge of the large wooden desk, effortlessly lifting a porcelain tea cup adorned with meticulously painted peonies to lift it to his lips. sicheng’s mind wandered back to the thought of yuta’s inherent grace, his ease and charm, and he couldn’t keep himself from smiling to himself as he reached for his cup as well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would never go off prompt i have no idea what ur talking about


	5. over a beer bottle [johnten / T for language, implied sexual stuff]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the silence returned, broken only by another sigh from johnny when his drink arrived. the sigh was followed by a swig of the beer, which was followed by the elder resting his elbows on the bar counter and holding his head in his hands.
> 
>  
> 
> tags: johnten, alcohol consumption, mentioned jaeyong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie wow wow! we've returned with i love you prompts. also, i never posted it, but here's the prompt list. feel free to pop a number 6-35 with a ship request in my cc if you want :)

ten found himself meeting johnny for post-breakup drinks roughly every five months. he wasn’t sure why none of his best friend’s romantic pursuits never worked out, but he never wanted to ask about it; it felt insensitive, in a way, so they met for drinks every five-months for two and a half years. 

“i’m just fucking tired,” johnny sighed, one hand loosely holding his beer bottle while the other pinched the bridge of his nose. “it’s pointless and i know it is, but, like, it’d just be better to put myself out there anyway, wouldn’t it?” 

the younger shrugged, downing a shot of something decidedly stronger than johnny’s beer and wincing at the burn as it went down. he never knew what to say during these meetings. any other time, he could talk like it was his job and silence would get him fired, but post-breakup meetups seemed to leave him speechless. 

he waved at the bar tender for another shot. something told him he’d need it. 

“like, maybe it’d be easier if i went back in time to college and warned myself of the impossibility of romantic fulfillment if i--” johnny stopped abruptly, straightening his posture as if prodded by an electric stick. his voice was softer when he spoke again. “pretend i didn’t say that bit.” 

ten raised an eyebrow, but didn’t press - as usual. his next shot was barely in front of him before he snatched it up and tossed it back. no wince this time. 

their conversation lulled into a tense silence. the increasing curiosity of what johnny was going to say built up an anxious tension in ten’s shoulders; it felt… like he was missing something important, like there were neon signs pointing to something he couldn’t quite catch out of the corner of his eye. this time felt different. 

johnny lifted his beer and chugged the half that was left before asking for another. 

“what happened?” ten finally asked after a moment. he hadn’t realized he’d begun to curl into himself until johnny’s hand was on his shoulder, rubbing firm but gentle in an attempt to get ten to unhunch. “with her, i mean.” 

the silence returned, broken only by another sigh from johnny when his drink arrived. the sigh was followed by a swig of the beer, which was followed by the elder resting his elbows on the bar counter and holding his head in his hands. 

“i didn’t love her,” he said softly, almost too softly for ten to hear over the dull murmur of the semi-populated bar. “or anyone before her - and i couldn’t even if i tried.” 

“john.” ten frowned and this time it was his turn to rest a hand on johnny’s shoulder. “you can’t force yourself to love someone.” 

“i know,” came the response, punctuated with an incredulous laugh. “i know love should happen naturally. it shouldn’t have to be forced. i’ve been in love, ten.” 

“what was different then? maybe you’re too focused on work, or maybe you’ve just been looking because taeyong and jaehyun have been sitting happ together since freshman year. was it the adoption? did them getting jaemin make you feel like you needed to find someone? you’ve always been a family man…” ten trailed off, giving himself a moment to further ponder the possibilities of johnny’s relationship problems. his eyes focused on his empty shot glass, held idly between his pointer finger and thumb. 

“none of them were you.” 

for a moment the entire world stopped. ten’s heart jumped into his throat, his mouth was suddenly dry. he couldn’t bring himself to look at johnny - wasn’t sure how to respond, either. there was shuffling next to him.

“ten.” 

the sound of johnny’s voice, laced with a tinge of concern, still couldn’t get him to move. his entire body felt cemented in place.

what was the protocol for having your feelings returned? 

“how long?” he finally asked, sitting the shot glass gently on the bar. an incredulous, nervous laugh bubbled from his mouth. 

“years.” 

“before or after we slept together that one time sophomore year?” 

there was a pause, as if johnny was thinking before he asked, “was that fall or spring semester?”

that made ten’s head whip to the side, brows creased in a frown. johnny was grinning when their eyes met, the kind of grin that always meant ten had been played. he was joking. he didn’t ask seriously. 

“i’m kidding,” johnny said, reaching out with one hand to brush the back of his hand against ten’s cheek. “i remember. i remember the exact date, how pink your cheeks were, how your hair stuck to your forehead and how you clung to me afterwards like i’d leave if you didn’t.” 

ten felt himself flush as the memories surfaced for him as well. he remembered those details, too, and more - the peaks and valleys of the muscles on johnny’s abdomen, the sweet words in his ear, the marks on his body that didn’t fade for days. 

“it was before,” the elder finally answered. “i thought it might help when you suggested it, but i think it only made it worse.” 

“why didn’t you ever say anything?” 

“i couldn’t… i didn’t want to risk the blow to our friendship. i didn’t want my feelings to get in the way of what we already had.” 

the younger returned his gaze to his shot glass once more and steeled himself with a deep inhale and exhale. it felt a little like a fever dream, having this conversation - ten had stuffed his feelings for johnny as deep down inside as he could when their friendship was in its first months, but they’d never gone away, and now… 

“say it now,” he breathed, barely a whisper. 

a beat of silence passed before johnny’s mouth was at his ear, his breath tickling over the piercings and sending a shiver down his spine. “i love you.” 

the mixture of emotions washing over ten was intense, to say the least; he wanted to cry, but also wanted to laugh, wanted to scream with joy and frustration. he settled for the next best thing and turned to catch johnny’s lips before he could move away. 

it was a simple kiss, chaste, inquisitive, and johnny returned it with a deeper one, full of emotion that ten didn’t care to unpack in the moment. they’d have time later. all the time in the world. 

“what does this mean?” johnny asked, leaning back once more, away from ten’s distracting mouth. 

“wanna go talk about it at my place?” ten’s voice was teasing, oozing with innuendo, but the look in his eyes was soft, much more honest and telling of what their night would lead to (kissing, cuddling, maybe crying). 

“okay.” 

johnny smiled and stood from his bar stool, slapping some cash on the counter for both of them before taking ten’s hand in his own. ten squeezed his hand - the weight familiar in his own, but dripping with new meaning - before raising it and pressing a kiss to his knuckles before pulling him towards the door. they left leisurely, cooling down from the bar atmosphere before plunging themselves into the quiet city streets, johnny’s beer bottle left half-full. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> check out my twitter! I'm opening fic commissions while I wait to hear back from some jobs I applied to, and you can find that post here!
> 
> also feel free to pop into my curiouscat!


	6. on a sunny Tuesday afternoon, the late sunlight glowing in your hair [jaewin / T for language]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sicheng knows he means it because he feels the same way. the trust that jaehyun has placed in him from the beginning has made sicheng’s chest constrict uncomfortably since day one, but this -- now he understands why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yooo welcome back to "the way you said 'i love you'" prompts! todays installation is mermaid jaehyun jaewin that i am so in love with i might actually consider making into something bigger! anyway i hope you enjoy!

sicheng isn’t surprised when jaehyun isn’t present near the island’s rocky shore. it isn’t unusual for him to be late, or even for him to not show up - sicheng chalks it up to the different culture jaehyun is washed away in, with different methods of time keeping and different names for the passing of the sun and moon. typically jaehyun’s absence doesn’t phase sicheng, but he’s antsy today; he spent his classes with a weird sense of unease settled in a pit in his stomach, and he’s anxious to see if something is waiting ahead of him. 

after about ten minutes, sicheng regrets not bringing his sketchbook on this particular day. some random doodling would do wonders for his anxious mind, and the vibrant overgrown flora around the lighthouse and the small island always prove to be excellent subjects for his absent sketches and scenery studies. however, the absence of his sketchbook leaves sicheng stuck waiting for jaehyun with nothing to do but lay back on the rock and watch as the occasional seagull flies overhead. 

the warmth is nice, though, seeping through his thin tank top and shorts and lulling him into a sleepy haze. maybe an afternoon nap would be nice. after years of living on the beach, the afternoon sun and gentle sea breeze are so comforting - like falling into bed after a long day. just another sensation adding to his infatuation with the sea. 

he’s about to drift into sleep when there’s a wet slapping and dragging sound followed by a deep chuckle. although tempted to not pay it any mind, he can feel when the sunlight on his face is obstructed and the subsequent droplets of water falling onto his face are hard to ignore. upon cracking open one eye, jaehyun’s smiling face greets sicheng warmly. 

“hi sleepy,” he coos, brushing sicheng’s dyed hair from his forehead. sicheng wonders briefly how jaehyun’s fingers, tinted peachy pink like the rest of him, look carding through the mess of blonde. “should i have let you sleep?” 

jaehyun’s face hovers only a few inches above sicheng’s, effectively blocking out the sun and back-lighting his dimpled visage. every time they’ve met over the past three months, sicheng is in awe of the beauty jaehyun seems to radiate, and this time is no exception. 

“i wish i’d brought my sketchbook,” he says abruptly, echoing his earlier thought as he pushes himself up onto his elbows. jaehyun leans back quickly, grinning as sicheng stretches. “you’re so pretty.” 

“did you know you say that every time?” jaehyun’s grin turns coy, and sicheng wishes for a moment that jaehyun’s skin didn’t consist of peach and pink so he could know if he’s blushing. “i’m not  _ that _ pretty.” 

“but you admit you’re at least a little pretty,” sicheng shoots back, mirroring jaehyun’s grin. “at least i know you’re not blind.” 

“don’t be rude.” the other tsks, shaking his head jokingly before using his hands to shimmy back to the edge of the rock with a soft grumble. “it’s hot up here.”

sicheng watches, always fascinated by the existence of his friend’s shimmering tail. his sketchbook has more than one page dedicated to it’s small details, the color gradient - pink scales lining the edges before scaling to peach and then the yellow majority - and each fin - a pectoral fin on each side of jaehyun’s slim hips, the dorsal fin running along its length, the slender forked caudal fin - were studied in great detail upon the pages of sicheng’s sea-battered sketchbook. 

“you know better than to drag yourself up here at this time of day,” the blonde scolds half-heartedly, watching the way jaehyun’s whole tail seems to flex as he inches towards the water once more. “you’ll dry yourself out in this sun.”

once he gets his bottom half off the rock, jaehyun turns, supporting his weight with his arms as his tail dangles over the water. he sticks his tongue out before pushing himself backwards as to not hit the rock as he plunges back into the water. 

sicheng pushes himself to the edge of the rock as well, letting his feet hang off while he watches jaehyun swim around the island in blurred flashes of pink. his speed is impressive, somehow surprising even though sicheng has rationalized it to himself more than once, and jaehyun looks smug when he resurfaces in front of sicheng. 

“why do you never swim with me?” he asks, almost cautiously, approaching the rock once more and gently taking hold of sicheng’s ankle, less than a foot above the salt water. “come in.” 

there’s a moment of cold panic when sicheng thinks jaehyun is going to pull him in; his eyes widen and his blood runs cold, and then suddenly he’s yanking his feet back and scurrying backwards. it isn’t until he takes in jaehyun’s concerned face that he even realizes he’s responded so strongly. 

“i’m… sorry,” he says after a moment, hoping the pounding in his chest will stop quickly. “i didn’t mean to react like that.” 

jaehyun’s expression switches from concern to conviction, and he pulls himself up onto the rock again. he takes a moment to steel himself before dragging himself towards the center once more, and sicheng is quick to move forward when he sees what a process it is for jaehyun to pull and wiggle and hop his way across the land. it’s awkward - not nearly as graceful as his movement in the water, as expected - but sicheng can’t help but find it endearing. 

they’re sitting next to each other before either one of them speak again. jaehyun raises one hand rest on sicheng’s shoulder and rubs his thumb against the fabric of his shirt in a semi-comforting motion before asking, voice soft, “are you… afraid of the water?” 

“it’s stupid, right?” sicheng laughs, trying to brush it off. “i love the sea and i’ve lived here for so long but i--” 

he cuts himself off, glancing to the side and biting his bottom lip. he’s never been able to explain it. there’s never been a reason for him to be afraid, but here he is. 

“hey… look at me.” jaehyun’s voice is still soft, and he turns sicheng to look at him with a gentle hand on his cheek. “it’s okay. i’d never make you do something you don’t want to."

they keep eye contact for a moment, and sicheng thinks he could lose himself in the warm brown of jaehyun’s fond gaze. 

“i would never let anything happen to you, sicheng.” 

sicheng knows he means it because he feels the same way. the trust that jaehyun has placed in him from the beginning has made sicheng’s chest constrict uncomfortably since day one, but this -- now he understands why. it’s a feeling he gets when they’re together, when he thinks about jaehyun’s smiling face in the sun, when he looks over the countless sketches that can’t seem to capture the innate beauty the other carries. sicheng understands.

“you…” his voice is shaking when he starts. “you h-have to be in first.” 

it takes a moment for jaehyun to realize what he means, and he responds with a frown and furrowed eyebrows. 

“you don’t--” sicheng cuts him off before he can really get started.

“i know i don’t.” 

jaehyun doesn’t put forth any other sort of protest, merely scoots his way back to the edge to jump into the water. he doesn’t swim around this time, instead turning back to the rock almost immediately to look at sicheng. 

his hands shake as he stands on the rock and it’s hard for him to focus on any one thing. he toes off his shoes and walks hesitantly to the edge of the rock, looking down nervously at jaehyun in the water. it wouldn’t be a big jump - maybe six feet down - but that doesn’t really ease any of sicheng’s nerves. 

“focus on me,” jaehyun calls to him, voice steady - an anchor for sicheng in the water. “i’ve got you. you’ve just got to trust me.” 

he does. he trusts jaehyun more than anything. so he steadies himself with a deep breath before taking a few steps back to make a running start for his jump to keep him away from the rock wall. 

it feels like everything passes in a flash; one moment sicheng is on terra firma and the next he’s falling, squeezing his eyes shut, and then he’s in strong arms, with soft fingers brushing water from his face and a laughing voice telling him his form could use work. 

when he finally opens his eyes, he’s clutching jaehyun’s broad shoulders hard enough to leave bruises, and jaehyun has one arm around his waist, holding him close. they’re pressed together firmly, sicheng’s wet t-shirt sticking to jaehyun’s lean torso, and if he didn’t feel so fucking  _ anxious _ , he might have half a mind to be embarrassed at their proximity.

“you did great,” jaehyun says, wrapping his other arm around sicheng and leaning in until his mouth almost brushes his ear. “i’m proud of you. you did so well.” 

sicheng lets out a shaky laugh, adjusting to wrap his arms firmy around jaehyun’s neck in a hug. it takes him another moment to realize his legs are wrapped around his friend’s waist and he’s clinging onto him for dear life. 

“thank you,” he says, slowly -  _ slowly _ letting his body become accustomed to being in the water, the bounciness and warmth. 

they take a moment to look at each other, jaehyung’s gaze still warm, but insistent, as if something is on his mind. before sicheng can even think to ask what’s wrong, jaehyun leans forwards again and presses their lips together in a chaste kiss. 

the action isn’t sudden, it feels like it’s slow motion, but sicheng is surprised nonetheless. he can feel his cheeks flush, and at this distance, he can see a distinct extra layer of pink on jaehyun’s cheekbones, the tips of his ears. he thinks shy jaehyun may be the most endearing jaehyun. 

after a moment, jaehyun swallows noticeably before licking his lips and saying, “i love you.” 

“jae…” sicheng’s breath catches in his throat, and he pulls a hand forward to gently cup jaehyun’s blushing cheek. the sun has begun it’s descent in the sky by now, basking the pair in warm oranges and soft yellows, the occasional mild pink that catches just so in jaehyun’s light hair. sicheng wishes he had his sketchbook. or maybehis camera. 

“you don’t have to say it back,” the other says, dimples denting doughy cheeks as he smiles and squeezes his arms gently around the human. “i understand.” 

a soft silence settles around them as they float there in the dwindling sunlight, until sicheng leans forwards to press their lips together again. and again. and again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! as always, find me on [twitter](twitter.com/yutaeilbot)! And check out my [commission info](https://twitter.com/yutaeilbot/status/1135608084120907776) if you're interested!


	7. as a thank you [T]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taeil nods unconsciously - so used to doing whatever johnny wants, giving johnny whatever he wants - and johnny smiles before scurrying back to the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i dont rly think this counts as being on prompt. too bad

the last thing taeil expects is for johnny to pull him aside so suddenly. sure, his body language has screamed discomfort the entire time, and johnny has always known taeil isn’t big on parties, but it feels different this time. this isn’t an escape from too-loud music and too-close bodies on a dance floor. 

“i hope you don’t mind if i steal you away,” johnny says with a sheepish grin as he leads taeil out the venue’s side door to step into the fresh mountain air. “it’s been a while since we last talked.”

_ i know _ _._ taeil wants to scream as his chest tightens almost unbearably.  _ i’ve been avoiding you.  _ his next breath is shaky. 

“i really wanted to thank you,” the younger continues, hopping up to perch himself on the wooden banister of the lodge’s oversized porch. he looks off into the distance, towards the sun setting over the horizon. it was sunset the last time they spoke too. “you really changed my life, you know. i’ll never be able to repay you for all you’ve done for me.” 

a moment passes, as if johnny is waiting for taeil to say something. 

“you’ll get your suit dirty,” is all he can make himself say. his mouth is dry. 

“you pulled me from a really dark place, and you picked me up and lead me to somewhere brighter,” johnny mutters. 

taeil knows how his eyes look reflecting the sunset, he knows the subtle smile curling the ends of his lips. he knows and he doesn’t want to see, so he moves to stand on the opposite side of where johnny is looking and rests his forearms on the wood.

“you’ll get your suit dirty,” johnny echoes, turning to giggle at him as he does so. “you mean a lot to me, taeil. i’m glad you’re here.”

the elder’s heart stutters in his chest. doesn’t johnny know what he’s doing when he says things like that? can’t he see how much it hurts taeil to hear him get sentimental when there’s a man waiting on the other side of the door to whisk him away to a happily ever after? 

“hey…” johnny’s hand comes up to taeil’s cheek, gently turning his head for them to make eye contact. “please look at me.” 

_ you’re the only thing i’ve ever looked at. _ taeil blinks once and looks away again. 

“i mean it; i’m glad you’re here,” the other repeats, letting his hand drop when taeil turns away. he leans over and presses a soft kiss to taeil’s cheek. the gentle action makes tears well up along taeil’s waterline. “i love you.”

johnny hops off the banister once more, apparently pleased with the talk. “i have to go back in,” he says, bumping taeil’s shoulder playfully. “will you stick around a little longer?” 

taeil nods unconsciously - so used to doing whatever johnny wants, giving johnny whatever he wants - and johnny smiles before scurrying back to the door. 

“make sure you say bye before you leave.” it’s not a request, barely audible over the too-loud music when johnny opens the door to return to the party. taeil is sure to wait until the door closes before the tears spill over. 

there’s not a good way for him to express how he feels; part of him is hurt, taken aback by johnny’s seeming obliviousness to his feelings, even after what they’d been through - the other part of him is just… heavy, like a weight hangs over his shoulders, a jacket too thick for the warmth generated in the room. 

he’s always hated weddings. 

after a moment, he calms himself enough to head back inside and plop down at the table with doyoung once again.

“you okay?” doyoung asks, shooting an almost worried glance his way. “everything good?” 

“as good as it’ll ever be,” taeil answers, offering a smile that he knows is looks pathetic. he doesn’t know what else to do. 

doyoung obviously doesn’t believe him, but all he does is pat taeil’s shoulder before turning his attention back to the dance floor, his eyes immediately finding taeyong in the crowd. he’s always been hesitant to let a tipsy taeyong out of his sight for more than a few moments. 

taeil takes the new freedom of having no one’s attention on himself to down a few drinks as well, and lets his mind wander with the thumping of the bass. 

they met a year ago. johnny was about to be a senior in university and taeil was a businessman with more money than he could ever spend. they found each other at just the right moment, just when they needed each other the most. 

their arrangement was simple: johnny showed up on taeil’s arm at company events, taeil paid for johnny’s expenses. taeil had been foolish to think he could keep himself from growing attached to the younger man - from the moment they met, it was inevitable that he’d fall in love. 

things went relatively smoothly for a while. johnny’s own stubbornness had created a few difficult obstacles, sure, but it was never something they couldn’t handle together. they always got through the tough moments together. taeil thought it wasn’t a far fetched idea to imagine them as more. 

but jaehyun was the most charming of the bunch. immature, sure, but he knew his way around a social situation, and he wasn’t shy about what he wanted. pretty early on, he made it clear that what he wanted was johnny, but taeil was able to brush him off for a while. they were a couple to the outside world - no one knew anything about the intricacies of johnny and taeil’s relationship. 

then johnny graduated. after graduation, something changed between the two of them. it was harder and harder for taeil to make excuses to see one another, harder for taeil to keep johnny’s attention from wandering. he often wondered how long jaehyun had been courting johnny without him knowing. 

in the end, he called it off after jaehyun not-so-politely requested it.

“end it,” the younger had said after storming into taeil’s office one day. 

“hm?” taeil had hummed an inquisitive response, as if unsure what jaehyun meant. 

“don’t play stupid,” he demanded, obviously frustrated. “he doesn’t need you anymore.” 

taeil’s head shot up, eyes burning into jaehyun’s, their shared intensity heating the room.

“what would you know about what he  _ needs _ ?” he hissed with a grimace. 

“i know he doesn’t need you to pay for his rent anymore,” jaehyun spat, brows furrowed over dark eyes. “i know he’s too kind to try to end your agreement. i know he’s mine, but he won’t let himself be with you still clinging to him.” 

taeil pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to seem irritated, but he knew what was coming. he knew they’d have to officially end their “relationship” sooner or later. he knew johnny didn’t love him the way he loved johnny. and yet, it still broke his heart to have it confirmed.

“it makes him feel bad,” the younger continued, his tone shifting to an almost playful one. “you’ve got to know that, right?”

“he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. he knows you’re more invested in him than he is in you. “

“stop,” taeil muttered, dropping his head into his hands. 

“he talks to taeyong about how you’ve done so much for him, how he doesn’t want to make you unhappy after all you’ve done, how he doesn’t know how to make it right.” jaehyun came to stand on the other side of taeil’s desk and leaned down to whisper near his ear. “but he still comes home to  _ me _ .” 

“stop!” the elder shouted, lashing out to push jaehyun away. “this isn’t--” he swallowed harshly. “this isn’t the time or place for this.” 

jaehyun stalked his way back to taeil’s door, narrowed eyes still trained on his face. “let him go,” he said with his hand on the door knob. “he’s not a bird you should keep in a cage, taeil. he can’t give you want you want. let him go.” 

so he did. 

and now he’s sitting by himself, at their wedding, four months after telling johnny ‘this isn’t mutually beneficial anymore. i’d like to suspend our agreement.’ just the memory puts a bad taste in his mouth, the way johnny had been visibly relieved, the way johnny hugged him and thanked him, the way johnny started coming to see jaehyun at work with a golden band on his left hand. 

his eyes fall on jaehyun and johnny on the dance floor as if the universe wants him to fall apart. they look at one another as if the world’s greatest treasure stood in their presence. their kisses are so tender it makes taeil’s chest ache. the way johnny absentmindedly finds his way to jaehyun whenever they part for even a moment is more than taeil can bear.

“i’m leaving,” he says softly, though he knows doyoung isn’t listening. “bye.” 

he doesn’t take a moment to approach johnny for a farewell. that heaviness that settled on his shoulders spreads across his chest and he’s panting by the time he reaches his car. he was foolish to think he could smile through their wedding and be fine. he feels foolish sitting in his car crying about it with the feeling of johnny’s sweet kiss on his cheek burning his skin, the sound of his grateful ‘i love you’ ringing in his ears. he lets out that scream he’d been holding in, and then he puts his car in drive and leaves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weeeeee thanks for reading feel free to request a couple you'd like to see in this series, and come visit me on twitter!. also peep my commission info.


	8. as an apology [johnjae / G ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they hadn’t fought, really, in the months they’d been talking to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! this is in the same universe as the last chapter lskjfs the next two will also be in the same universe sdfjsdlk

to say johnny was unhappy was an extreme understatement. taeil backing out of their arrangement was inevitable, especially with their growing distance and johnny’s slowly budding romance with jaehyun, but…

_ jaehyun _ _._  

johnny grit his teeth, his hands clenched into fists at his side as he approached jaehyun’s apartment door. honestly, he wasn’t sure what he was going to say - he just felt like he needed to say  _ something _ _._ after taking a steadying breath, he pushed open the door and stepped into the small space. 

as usual, there were empty beer cans and half-eaten boxes of pizza laying about, and mark looked up from the tv upon hearing the door shut. mark was a nice kid, a video game development major from the university jaehyun had graduated from, practically jaehyun’s little brother, complete with short black hair and round specs perched on the bridge of his nose. johnny felt himself deflate a little when mark smiled and greeted him warmly. 

“jaehyun is in his room,” mark said, gesturing vaguely towards the hallway leading to the bedrooms before turning his attention back to the television. “if he’s not in there, he’s in the bathroom.” 

“thanks, bud,” johnny replied, turning quickly to head down the hall before he forgot what he wasn even there for. 

standing in front of jaehyun’s door was somehow more nerve-wracking than coming into the apartment at all, even though johnny was no stranger to either. they hadn’t fought, really, in the months they’d been talking to each other, so johnny was uncertain as to how his boyfriend would react, but he pushed the door open and slipped in anyways.

“oh, hi, baby,” jaehyun called, smiling sweetly at johnny’s sudden appearance. his dimples almost made johnny smile in return, but he caught himself before his angry face could crack.

“not working in the office today?” he asked, voice dripping sickly sweet. jaehyun’s face fell immediately. “i heard there was some, uh,  _ office tension _ _.”_  

“baby--” johnny cut jaehyun off before he could really get started.

“you couldn’t have let me build up the nerve to do it myself, huh? you had to go and speak for me? you had to go and tell him what i tell people in confidence?” 

jaehyun stood from his desk and came to stand in front of johnny, resting his hands on the other’s broad shoulders with a frown.

“you know that’s not the case,” he insisted, rubbing gentle circles with his thumbs against johnny’s shirt. “you’ve been upset about this.”

“because he means a lot to me!” johnny’s voice came out louder than intended, so he stopped and sighed before continuing more softly. “i wanted to try to do this tactfully, so i wouldn’t lose someone close to me.” 

“baby…” jaehyun’s face warped into a sad pout. “we all know you would have lost him anyway.” 

he was right. it was obvious taeil’s feelings ran much deeper than johnny’s - losing him was just as inevitable as their agreement ending - but that didn’t automatically make johnny want to toss the elder away. after all they’d been through together, johnny felt like he knew taeil well, and taeil knew him, and it’d be hard to replace such an invaluable friend. 

but there he stood, with a heavy heart and the knowledge that taeil would likely never speak to him. 

“you were so mean to him, jae,” the elder finally said with a sigh, raising a hand to cover his eyes. “he was never anything but kind to me, and you made me out to seem so cruel; like i didn’t care about him at all.”

jaehyun took johnny’s hand in his own and brought it to his lips to press kisses to his knuckles. 

“i love you,” he said, looking up from their hands to meet johnny’s eyes with his own saddened ones. “i didn’t intend to make you look bad. i was just…”

“you were jealous,” johnny filled in before stepping forward to cocoon jaehyun in a hug. “i understand. i just… wish it could have been different.” 

they took a moment to shuffle across the surprisingly clean room to lay tangled together in jaehyun’s bed, fingers intertwined, breath mingling as they spoke with their foreheads pressed together.

“i didn’t mean to hurt you,” jaehyun said. he sounded like he meant it, and johnny knew he did. “i love you.” 

regardless of how fruitless apologies were, jaehyun’s were hard to ignore, and so easy to accept. or maybe it was just because of how much johnny loved him; maybe it was too hard to be mad over the inevitable, maybe it was all meant to play out like this. 

deep down, johnny knew that was bullshit. he knew it could have gone differently, and he wished it had gone differently, but it was easy to let that thought drift away when he was laying with his love, fingers intertwined, breath mingling before their lips touched with a gentleness that felt wrong mixed with the sour taste of anger still in johnny’s mouth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> howdy doo peep me on [twitter](twitter.com/yutaeilbot) and check out my commission infoooo

**Author's Note:**

> hi maybe you'll stick around for more? ;)
> 
> find me on twit @yutaeilbot


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